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tender shootTM

- an online school for parents expecting their first baby -


There comes a time for me to be born.

To leave the comfort of here, where all my needs are met as they arise.

To move to a world that is unpredictable, unfamiliar, weird for me.

A time to take my first breath.  To meet you.


And absolutely everything will be new for me.

Changing temperatures. Being held. Feeling hungry. Wearing clothes. Waiting. 

Feeling space around me. Seeing. Smelling. Stillness. Breathing.

How will I know that I am welcome, safe and belong with you? What will be the signs?


A lot will be new for you, too.

I am new. Our relationship is new. Brand new.

You may know quite a lot about babies in general, but you don't yet know anything about me.

I arrive wrapped in mystery and you have no 'usual' to guide you in your care of me.


So, what will it be like for me to be your baby, your child?

Will you understand what to expect of me as I change and grow?

Will you stay calm for me when my big feelings overwhelm me?

Where will you go to learn about how to care for me when we get stuck or confused?


This is where tender shoot™ comes in.

Human babies, everywhere, across all places, races and times, have five fundamental needs.

Your work as a parent, from their babyhood to adulthood, is to meet these five needs.

Tender Shoot™ presents these needs as expectations from your baby. As their 'how to love me' manual.




                                                                       Nau mai, Haere mai, I'm Stephanie


Early in my experience as a mother I noticed something. How easy it was to abandon my own sense of what our baby needed, and be buffeted about by the views, and opinions of others, trusting them more than myself.  Yet we, his parents, were the only people in the world who knew him!  


We hadn't just had a baby. We had had our baby who was responding to our cues, made consciously or not, and we to his. The more closely we observed him, the more confident we became in trusting his signs and offering our responses to figure things out together.


The idea forTender Shoot™ emerged from an 'ah ha' moment when our second child was three. I was doing a Masters paper on behavior change. We had to set up a project and study what happens to a problem when we change our responses to it.


Well, the rest is history. On the powerful learning of that moment at bath time all those years ago, I have built my life and career in education for change, especially for parents. When I changed first, Miss three year old changed in response. It was transforming. 


The awareness of my part in sustaining her "problem' behaviour, was so profound that I felt compelled to do something with it, and Tender Shoot™  is that something. Parents, you have hidden powers! Be the first to make a change.


This work is personal - from me to you through the voice of your baby. I share a timeless set of principles for you to rest on in times of bewilderment and uncertainty. May they be a comfort as you and your baby figure things out together, and grow in confidence and trust. I wish you well. Arohanui, Stephanie

Tender Shoot™ explained

Point of difference

Yes! it's true. Your baby does come with an instruction manual, but it is written in a whole new language. Tender Shoot™ is a school for learning to understand and read your baby's manual. The approach is personal, all about the relationship. It presents your baby's viewpoint, and supports you to respond from yours. As such, it holds the secret to confidence in the parent-child relationship; beginning with your first baby, and in time, to confidence with your first toddler, and first teen.


A simple guide to complex work

As your baby develops, the five universal needs, or principles, remain constant. They are timeless. How to apply these principles and decide actions, must change as your baby changes, but the five principles themselves do not. If your baby could talk, these principles are how they would ask you to love them from babyhood to adulthood. This is their simple guide to support your complex work of raising them.


Why

Here's why. Raising a child is too important to leave learning about it to chance. Doctors went to medical school, lawyers went to law school. Now parents can go to parent school to resource themselves for a lifetime as parents.


Traditionally, the wisdom of parenting was passed within families. In modern times, however, the internet gives us access to all the world's information on how to be a parent. This makes impossible demands on your attention and assessment as to what is 'best', 'right', 'safe', 'usual'. As well, it can confuse, overwhelm and undermine your confidence as new parents and grandparents, and erode the timeless wisdom that your baby is asking for.


Tender Shoot™ takes you on a shortcut through all that information, with a sharp focus on what is essential, universal, timeless.


What

Your baby needs you calm and confident. Their security, and trust in you, depends on it. The goal of Tender Shoot™ is confident parents, who understand their changing child, respond with respect, and are guided by universal principles of care.


Who

For now, Tender Shoot™ is for you if you are a mother or father in later pregnancy, expecting your first baby, and would like:

  • a tender and confident start to your relationship with your baby
  • skills for the everyday care activities of handling and dressing, carrying and comforting, feeding and sleeping and more
  • skills for the everyday emotional care of your baby such as building in them trust, belonging and a sense that they matter
  • to have developmentally-appropriate expectations for your baby


In time, Tender Shoot™  is also for any parent who is expecting their first toddler or teen. Like babyhood, the toddler and teen periods are also stages of rapid development for a child and may overwhelm both child and parent where parents are unprepared.


Where and when

Here and now! We are currently moving our much loved, Christchurch, face to face, group classes, limited-access version of the parent school of 2008-2015, to this all-of-New Zealand, extended access, more sustainable on-line version.


Our focus shifted after the earthquakes of 2011, and all the complications involved, but that precious parent feedback, and all that fun was just too good to leave behind. So Tender Shoot™ is back! We will develop it over time, as a school, with lessons, learning and sharing, that you can access, starting with this web page.


How

Courses will be kept simple, be structured around the principles of your baby's instruction manual, and include 'First Baby', 'First Toddler', First Teen" courses, require enrollment, be certificated on completion of assignments. (This is not antenatal education.)


What People Say About Tender Shoot™

Thank you

I love the photos used here. Most have been given by parents specifically to support our education work.

They may not be copied, changed or used in any other way without written permission.


I have interviewed many parents and children to build content for this programme. Others have completed feedback surveys.

Comments from interviews and surveys make the content personal and real. They are like gold.


Tender Shoot™ is a trademarked programme to assure the public of a standard. Reference to it must attribute it as 'a programme of Change for our Children'.

Contact Stephanie

Tender Shoot Contact Form

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